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gawd
mom lost her job
and she's taking out her stress about that and the house on me
making me uber depressed
)o: )o: )o:

i like
wanted to cut
or cry
or something
grrr
Brent you're still at Jake's house still
I miss you
)o,:

so tired
and omigosh I'm so friggen sick of all this house shit
the house this the house that
when we get a house we'll do this when we get a house we'll do that
the minute we sign for it there'll be a magic wand that'll wave and all our problems will go away, won't that be nice? we'll be a happy family, I won't be depressed...
I got on the insurance plan
now I get therapy.
yay?

grr.
ttfn.

O_O
little kindergarten kids=cute
vcs=fun
grandmother=annoying as heck

cascade bay tomorrow to make grandma happy. I'll probably get sunburned. also I'm pale and fat and ugly. ): ): ):

shopping when mom gets home today. big sale at kohl's. 50% off. eek!

I wanted to cut this morning. and last night. cos mom is all like "you made bad decisions about bedtime, I gotta pull in the reins"
wtf am I, some sort of horse? wtf.

I'm a sucky girlfriend. and a control freak. I suck. O-o

GRR. so bored.

so hot. so sweaty. so blegh. VCS all week. little children everywhere O_O. getting up early at like 6:30? being shipped around between parents, grandma, and church? stress stress stress x 487568478. People everywhere. mean people. )o: )o: )o: why did I sign up for this?!

the house is ours thursday. O_O
we go out and buy furniture, move some stuff to it.
stress stress stress

sytuul syuryat suiy huyd 5 hjhfs, hu dhiur geute ggd bfhdete.
ndkhfrh iye yr jiug dhiyd.

ttfn

omg. I just happened to step on scale this morning. and I weigh 122! as if I wasn't happy enough...and also, tonight I get to see Brent...and Heather's having a birthday shindig. gawd me so happy. but tired and shakey. wjegftirf hdyu ryi y8y4 iubrfi hre :P

Do you think this is for real? I think it might be...maybe I dunno. It pretty much sounds like it's fo real. Check out SYX

Countfit13 [12:40 PM]: hey you like korn and mudvayne and stuff?
Allybubbles13 [12:40 PM]: yup
Allybubbles13 [12:40 PM]: how bout you?
Countfit13 [12:40 PM]: cool you should really check out my band SYX then
Countfit13 [12:40 PM]: Dave
Countfit13 [12:40 PM]: is my name
Allybubbles13 [12:40 PM]: ah
Countfit13 [12:40 PM]: Trust me
Countfit13 [12:40 PM]: you will love it
Countfit13 [12:40 PM]: I promise
Allybubbles13 [12:40 PM]: what type of music do ya guys play?
Countfit13 [12:41 PM]: www.mp3.com/S_Y_X
Countfit13 [12:41 PM]: just like the stuff you like
Countfit13 [12:41 PM]: trust me
Countfit13 [12:41 PM]: go there and check out some tunes
Allybubbles13 [12:41 PM]: cool...I'll check it out
Allybubbles13 [12:41 PM]: and tell my friends
Countfit13 [12:41 PM]: let me konw what you think
Countfit13 [12:41 PM]: do it now
Allybubbles13 [12:42 PM]: ah, but my computer won't do none of that fancy stuff
Allybubbles13 [12:42 PM]: tell ya what I'll have a friend download it, then listen to it at his place, promise
Countfit13 [12:42 PM]: ok
Countfit13 [12:42 PM]: get back to me and tell me what you think of it
Allybubbles13 [12:42 PM]: woo fancy ya have a website
Countfit13 [12:43 PM]: haha we have everything
Allybubbles13 [12:43 PM]: :-O
Allybubbles13 [12:43 PM]: you don't look like just another garage band
Countfit13 [12:44 PM]: cause we are not
Countfit13 [12:44 PM]: that is why I said trust me
Allybubbles13 [12:44 PM]: ^_^
Allybubbles13 [12:44 PM]: what do you play
Countfit13 [12:45 PM]: bass
Allybubbles13 [12:45 PM]: :-O
Allybubbles13 [12:45 PM]: cool
Allybubbles13 [12:48 PM]: eh. I'll get back to you and let ya know what I think. ttfn, tatafornow.
Countfit13 [12:49 PM]: ok cool tahnks

^_^ ^_^ ^_^

:D :D :D

jeigi! fhty5 wy8 hy8rjkus kphi uy ihd oir ieht hths.
htiyu pi67 ii6 ue jkusuy ir shidh.

(o: (o: (o:

^_^

[.::Living Dead Girl::.]
(Rob Zombie)
Rage in the cage
And piss upon the stage
There's only one sure way
To bring the giant down
Defunct the strings
Of cemetary things
With one flat foot
On the devil's wing

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Raping the geek
And hustling the freak
Like a hunchback juice
On a sentimental noose
Operation filth
They love to love the wealth
Of an SS Whore
Making scary sounds

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Psyclone Jack
Hallucinating Hack
Thinks Donna Reed
Eats dollar bills
Goldfoot machine
Creates another fiend
So Beautiful,
They make you kill

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Blood on her skin
Dripping with Sin
Do it again
Living Dead Girl

Blood on her skin
Dripping with Sin
Do it again
Living Dead Girl

I so wanted to die again last night.

Brent came over for like, 5 minutes, then we went and say How to Deal, it was pretty good. went to park for a lil while, then were walking to Target when we saw mom and she picked us up. went back home, but his mom called to pick him up like 10 minutes after we got home. imo the whole thing was awful, very poorly planned, my parents were impatient and crabby, Kyle being a shithead. Now I know why we never have people over, we're so just not used to it, it's really sad. after I walked Brent down my parents interogated and harassed me (even they said it was harassing) in the doorway to my room, first about the bugbites on my face, then about how I had made them all angry and embarassed when Brent's mom called and we kept her waiting, then about how they think I don't watch Kyle enough. as if I wasn't feeling shitty enough, Kyle would not get to sleep, made me just, wanna take the remaining 10 pills from my prescription and never wake up. when I was brushing my teeth, I wanted to like, take the razors sitting on the counter and just, have a go at my wrists. but of course I didn't. I never do. but one of these days...

love ya Brent

k Brent, this is for you...

[.::A New Day::.]
(Me)
When all hope is lost
Don't give it up
When backed in a corner
Don't surrender
When it's against all odds
Keep fighting

When life is painful
Know it will get better
When life gets you down
Know that you will rise again
When the sky darkens with despair
Know that it shall clear again
Making way for a new day of hope

Keep fighting
Find your inner strength
Don't give up hope
A new day will come

:-{

[.::Author/Title unknown::.]
It scares you.
What I'm doing to myself,
You hate it,
But Ive got nothing else.

The long scars
Look like angry snakes
Posionious bite
That makes your body ache.

The feel of the metal
Cold like ice
Takes away too much pain
Cutting is my vice

The pain is only temporary,
The results last awhile,
It's sad that such a twisted thing,
Seems to make me smile.

See to me pain is pleasure,
A way to be okay,
Something that forcasts a future,
And takes away today.

You think it's for attention,
And I tell you that its not,
I dont see anything wrong,
It's all that I got.


You could learn to love me,
You could learn to care,
You could learn to notice..
HEY I'M STANDING THERE.

But you just see past me,
I'm not even real,
I am just a shadow in the way,
Not allowed to think or feel.

But I do have feelings,
Ones I dont understand,
So when others tell me I'll live,
I don't believe I can.

I get all mixed up inside,
And lose everything I have,
The only way to get it back,
Is to cut and stab.

You don't understand me,
I guess that's okay,
I want to be normal,
Won't you help me find a way?

It scares you,
What Im doing to myself,
It scares you,
So help me get some help.

stress.
stomach squirming and writhering.
heavy breathing.
blood rushing.
tears falling.
gazing toward the heavens.
the light is to much, so I must look forward.
help.
)o:

omigawsh what a totally awesome awesome day.

dad made poached eggs, bacon, and biscuits for breakfast, all were de-lish-ous.

Chicago was so fricken good. fishnets and thongs and leather and razzle dazzle everywhere. seem, her mom, peter, and annis ended up being able to go, so it was coo. Roxy+Velma's voices were sooo amazing. and the part where Mary Sunshine ended up being a bald old man cross dresser? my sides were shaking so hard. I so have to see the movie in the dollar theatre now with Brent and annis. tuesday hopefully.

after that we went over to the house and walked around it for like half an hour, poking at the shrubs and peeking through the windows, rofl. it was so cool. I like, couldn't take my eyes off my room. my very own room! there's this awesome really old piano still there, I wish it could stay.

I feel so good. my cold is like, completely gone for the most part, as is the ear infection, I've been able to eat, I was actually able to sleep with mouth closed last night.

lalala...

I lost a total of about 6 pounds from being sick and all, :D :D :D. Not the best/healthiest way, and was not fun at all, but golly I hope I can keep it off, and all that jazz.

:D

ttfn.

Made by the fine folks at
daylighttwilight.com

[.::Tourniquet::.]
(Evanescence)
I tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
(so much more)
I lay dying
and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will I be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide

edbdj
yruo weeyrfft yoww eerfguro tv fov dhuw!!!!
yruo weeyrfft yoww yrtss tv fov dhuw!!!

doode. why is my dad being such an ass? he yelled and threatened me because I screwed up the cooking of an egg? and now he's gonna make me deal with the pizza guy when he comes? and he bitched at me about filling up the ice trays? stfu LARRY. I miss Rodney (aka real dad). the poop head abandoned 2 families. not just one, 2! I wonder if my brother and sister ever think of me? or if they even remember/know I'm alive? I wonder how much they've grown. what grade are they in/has ashley even started school? How is Jaime managing 3 young kids on her own with no education skills and what not? I wonder if Kelly remembers me...didn't like her too much, she bit me when we were like 5, kinda started the relationship off on a bad foot, ya know? Jason was so cute, lil chubby cheeks and baby like ness, I think he's like a year younger than Kyle. btw, when are they gonna tell Kyle about Rodney? they told him about Lisa...She was so pretty in this pic I saw of her, I sorta wish she was my half sister. and Megan. when will I be able to acknowledge that I know of her excistance? why doesn't she wanna meet me and mom and Kyle? she lives pretty close, and looks exactly like mom and me. it'd be cool. grr. silly parents creating children all over the place.

Food is the enemy. it hurts to eat. and it makes you fat.
do my parents ever really care anymore? ya they probably do, but why does it feel like they don't give a damn?
it seems like all my mom does is watch that god awful soap opera, rewinding, fast forwarding, pausing, constant guiding light and dr phil all day. on the couch she sits...I want to throw the tv out the window.

we're gonna get the house. closing is on july 31st at 11, also the day of the walk through. I'll have my own room. and the basement to myself practicly.

so tired. so weak. so hungry.

my chest hurts. the breast bone thing or whatever it is between my ribs. it feels like I've had something pressed to it for hours. maybe something's wrong with my heart?

this sadness won't go away
the depression
the pain

ttfn

[.::Author/title unknown::.]
There are no words strong enough to express how I feel.
Everything meerly floats around me.
I am on the cealing,
looking down,
and I can see myself,
and I hate what I see.

Why do I have to wake up every day
wishing it was my last?
Why do I go to bed every night
praying I won't wake up in the morning?
Why can't I remember
anything from my past?

Why can't I focus when anyone says anything to me?
I meerly tune them out,
and continue on my way.
Why can I never tell
if it is night or day?
To me its all the same....

Why does it feel so much better
to block everyone else out
and let only the blade under my skin?
Why does it feel so much better
not to talk,
to keep everything in.

Why do I feel like talking is a waste of time?
And why don't I understand how you feel?
I honnestly think everything I do is fine.
Cutting, self medicating,
none of it seams wrong to me.
Maybe you see something I don't see,
But I seam fine to me.
And nothing ever seams real-
at least real enough to care about.

Why did it take me so long
to muster up the energy to pick up this fucking pen?
And why do I accept that when I'm done
I'll never read this again?

Why do I let myself fall farther from the surface
every fucking day?
Why don't I stick up for myself?
Or even care if I get my way?

Why do I not even know myself
and yet hate myself so much?
Why can't I stand compliments
or a supposivly comforting touch?

And why do I care about my little sister?
It goes against everything I believe in.
The human race has no value,
and yet I love her more than anything.
A stupid human,
the same race that kills eachother,
starts wars to show who's tougher,
its hard to believe she's one of them.

Why is it always so hard for me to breath?
And why do I always feel better when I bleed?

[.::One Last Breath::.]
(Creed)
Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there's somthing left for me
So please come stay with me
'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me
For you and me
For you and me

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking

[.::Depression::.]
(Ashley)
Deeply sadened,crying until the end.
Energy low,unable to function.
Persistent struggle with myself
Repetitive thoughts of no self worth.
Expressionless face that sits in the dark.
Sleeping the entire day away.
Shutting out friends and family.
I nner feelings wanting out.
Only to be shoved back in.
Not wanting to go on to another day.

[.::Title/Auhor unknown::.]
Everyday is always the same
wake up to the yelling,
feeling ashamed
hearing voices in my head,
bringing me down
i never fail,
to show a frown,
i feel i must eat,
to fill up a space,
thinking to myself,
I'm such a waste
knowing im worthless,
and wasting God's air,
relating to people who say life's not fair,
wishing i could change,
this state that im in,
wishing for once,
i could honestly grin,
but wishing gets me nowhere,
its like running in place,
what am i here for,
but to take up space?

ouch. tongue hurts. really badly. throat hurts too. I hope this sickness won't prevent me from going out this weekend?
couldn't sleep this morning, kept waking up and whatnot. my ears feel like they're gonna burst with pain.

shawn suggested the whole board find another internet board to post at. quetta says we should all download yahoo+aim. like that would ever happen.

I keep feeling like I will throw up.

I watched "That's my Baby" this morning.

I wanna sleep.

ttfn

why do I listen? why do I tell? why do I care? why do i worry? why do I dislike my self so much? why am I always trying to help others? why do i scratch? why do I feel like crap? why do I feel bad for telling others how I feel? why do I hurt? why do I help? why do I question? why do I believe?why do I not believe? why am I afraid? why do i feel self centered? why do my questions have "I" in all of them? why am I queasy?

why why why

oysh. damn right ear infections. the pain. is such much. it's hard to bear.
damn msn. they are taking a boardie away.

I wish I could call Brent and wake him up. but I can't. considering it hurts like hell to talk on the phone? swollen throat=not fun.

um. ya. I hate you blogger.

[.:: Weight Of The World::.]
(Saliva)
Love to be beside you, The way you smell
The way your lips feel, and your fingernails
The way your fingers crawl up my spine
The way you always make me last in line

[chorus]
I carry the weight of the world as the past is unfurled
But I won't stop to wonder
Going through this life on my own made me cold as a stone
I'm a ship going under
And I'd tell you this but I don't know how
I'm caving in and I'm falling out and I can't resist
And I can't rebound with the weight of the world as the world falls down

It's the way you thrill me, then pull away
The way you seem to kill me a little more each day
And it's what you're thinking in your twisted mind
The way your body trembles when it's next to mine

[repeat chorus]

This pain I think about it everyday,
It tells me I'm never gonna get away
I know it's over,
but I can't escape memories and how to face another day

[repeat chorus]

>:-(

hdfjbc dbvjdh ufugvd edfh eg gt7y fhie uwydb
gehfcredvgufu

*bursts into tears*
I changed my old blogger template, it's gone forever, I'll never see my wonderful cheerful fat kitties again. Now I'm stuck with this ugly plain thing that has a totally different html template.

I wanna move into the house now.

my stomach hurts really bad.

I feel like shit.

Blogger sucks major portions of ass.

V_V

Rough: You are the Rough Sex Freak. You like it
rough and hard. ::smack:: You like wings,
chains, and swing sets. You love someone to
pull your hair and do you hard. Be careful
with your sex partners because once they are
done with sex, they will leave you flat.


What Type Of Sex Freak Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

*giggles*

kind of accurate. hehehe.

got new crosshair/sideways arrows cursor. and new side scroll. look at it's prettiness. still trying to decide on new mouse scroll. gawd I'm loving this html shizz.

oh yea. mom went back to work. yay :D

V_V

mom. go back to work. don't fucking bitch at me for 10 minutes about some fucking fan that I moved away from kyle's bedside.
crazy bitch.

W H A T I S Y O U R
[-x-] Name-- Alyssa
[-x-] Age-- 14
[-x-] Hair Color-- brown
[-x-] Weight-- 128
[-x-] Height-- 5'4''
[-x-] Braces-- nope
[-x-] Zodiac Sign-- Gemini
[-x-] Eye Color-- brown
[-x-]Hair Length-- mid-back

F A V O R I T E
[-x-] Song-- Sonne
[-x-] Singer-- Marilyn Manson
[-x-] Day of the week-- Saturday
[-x-] Item of clothing-- my black sweatshirt
[-x-] Season-- summer
[-x-] Sport-- don't like sports
[-x-]Memory-- hmm. dunno.
[-x-] Feeling-- love+happiness
[-x-] Smell-- Brent's hair
[-x-] Radio station-- 93x
[-x-] TV Channel-- Comedy Central+MTV
[-x-] Hobby-- Internet?
[-x-] Person-- Brent

H A V E Y O U E V E R
[-x-] Been in love-- am right now
[-x-] Cheated on a test-- nope
[-x-] Snuck out of the house-- nope
[-x-]Passed out-- Yes lol, many times
[-x-] Cried over a guy-- yup
[-x-] Fallen for someone you could never have-- hmm. dunno. I suppose one could fall for anybody whether the expect it or not?
[-x-] Gossiped-- yup ]-:
[-x-] Been in the hospital-- yup

W H E N W A S TH E L A S T T I M E Y O U
[-x-] Had something to eat-- had some juice a few minutes ago.
[-x-] Laughed outloud-- um. sunday I think?
[-x-] Hugged Someone-- sunday
[-x-] Smiled-- like, last night
[-x-] Cried-- few days or weeks ago
[-x-] Cracked your knuckles-- rofl I can't remember
[-x-] Spoke-- last night
[-x-] Danced-- saturday
[-x-] Slow-danced-- awhile ago

Y O U R PE R S O N A L I T Y
[-x-] Funny or sensitive-- both
[-x-] Athletic or studious-- studious
[-x-] Crazy or serious-- crazy
[-x-] Outgoing or shy-- outgoing
[-x-] Good talker or good listener-- bit of both
[-x-] Innocent or rebellious-- rebellious

More about you…

List 5 talents that you possess..
[-x-]
[-x-]
[-x-]
[-x-]
[-x-]

List 5 things that make you happy..
[-x-] Brent
[-x-] friends
[-x-] music
[-x-] Brent
[-x-] friends

List 5 things about your current appearance
[-x-] long hair
[-x-] pale skin
[-x-] long black nails with chipped paint
[-x-] hair is wet and messy
[-x-] wearing baggy pj's

List 5 things you did today
[-x-] woke up
[-x-] showered
[-x-] got juice
[-x-] fiddled with computer
[-x-] got piece of ham

5 things you like about yourself
[-x-] I'm crazy (er, I think that's what most would say...)
[-x-] I'm outgoing most of the time
[-x-]
[-x-]
[-x-]

5 things you dislike about yourself
[-x-] I'm dumb
[-x-] stupid
[-x-] over emo
[-x-] lazy
[-x-] procastinator

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear :
[-x-] eminem: white boi rapper
[-x-] dog: ruff!
[-x-] hot: in herre
[-x-] britney spears: barbie doll
[-x-] nsync: ken dolls
[-x-] real world: is scary
[-x-] orange: orang is cool
[-x-] choice: hard to make
[-x-] black: rocks
[-x-] insane clown posse: Seem+Brittany
[-x-] linkin park: heard them this morning
[-x-] jack: off jill (and seem's bf)
[-x-] rainbow: shawn (gay pride)
[-x-] cherry: :-0
[-x-] cucumber: :-0
[-x-] shark: Rawr!
[-x-] lifehouse: ew
[-x-] bat: screek screek screek?
[-x-]america: ew
[-x-] water: whee!
[-x-] volcano: ahh!

the time is now: 11:17

gah. I feel physicly miserable. Like crap. But it's all good cause mom finally started new job today, won't be home till 5 or so with thr exception of a half hour lunch. This means no waking up to screaming insults and nagging, no chores, nothing. ^_^

my nose is being messed up. and my neck hurts.
I accidently scratched myself on the wrist with my thumb nail (ya'll know the claws I have, heh) while getting dressed this morning. and if my mom sees it. she'll bitch at me about scratching and depression and blah blah blah and interrogate me endlessly as to the source of the lil mark. )o: I wanna cut my nails. but I can't find the clipper.

ya know what's really good? cooked ham on an empty stomach. the mass produced lunch meat kind. mmm. and pickles.

kyle's sleeping on the couch. he got up like an hour ago just to go out in the living room and sleep there. it's weird. but at least he's quite.

aol is being a crackwhore. and using my computer as it's prostitute. I had to restart 5 times or so. and now they're having system problems so I can't get to the board. what's up with that?

nough rambling for now.

stfu parents. don't yell your fucking insults to each other in front of me.
mom-"Good night, I love you, I hate daddy's guts"
it was a fight cos dad wouldn't turn it to the fucking weather channel.
STFU.

"I'm tired of bending over backwards for little miss scratch herself!"
wtf. I should have never told them. sure they've gotten me help.
but they haven't actually helped.



[.::save me::.]
(me)

leave me alone
leave me here to die
in a pile on the floor

leave me alone
leave me here to cry
in a pile on the floor

let me kill myself from the inside
slowly
I'll make the words hurt
more than any knife can

save me
pick me up and give me life

save me
wipe away my tears

leave me alone
leave me here to bleed

save me
save me from myself

[.::Show Me Love::.]
(Tatu)

This was an accident, not the kind were sorrow sounds,
Never even noticed were suddenly crumbling.
Tell me how you’ve never, felt delicate or innocent,
Do u still have doubts that us having faith makes any sense.
Tell me nothing ever comes rationale or breaking down.
Still somebody loses cause theirs no way to turn around,
Staring at your photograph everything now in the past
Never felt so lonely I wish that you could show me love.

Show me Love, Show me Love, Show me Love, Show me Love,
Show me Love, Till you open the door.
Show me Love, Show me Love, Show me Love,
Show me Love, Show me Love, Till I'm up off the floor.
Show me Love, Show me Love, Show me Love, Show me Love,
Show me Love, Till its inside my pores.
Show me Love, Show me Love, Show me Love,
Show me Love, Show me Love, Till I'm screaming for more.

Random acts of mindlessness, common place occurrences,
Chances of surprises, another state of consciousness’
Yell me nothing ever comes rationale or breaking down
Still somebody loses cause theirs no way to turn around,
Tell me how you’ve never felt delicate or innocent,
Do you still have doubts that us having faith makes any sense,
You play games I play tricks, girls and girls but you’re the one,
Like a game of pick up sticks played by fucking lunatics.

Show me Love, Show me Love, Show me Love, Show me Love,
Show me Love, Till you open the door.
Show me Love, Show me Love, Show me Love,
Show me Love, Show me Love, Till im up off the floor.
Show me Love, Show me Love, Show me Love, Show me Love,
Show me Love, Till its inside my pores.
Show me Love, Show me Love, Show me Love,
Show me Love, Show me Love, Till im screaming for more.

Show me Love, Show me Love, give me all that I want.
Show me Love, Show me Love, give me all that I want.
Show me Love, Show me Love, give me all that I want.
Show me Love, Show me Love, till im screaming for more

Dude. That song is hot.

I am self centered because I forgot to look up the calories on the McDonald's website for my mom and what she ate for lunch. or at least that's what she says. she's all angry about it. and wants those calorie ratings for what she had for lunch now. but I'm trying to talk to her. and she ignores me and watches dr. phil.

got a therapist appointment set up. for monday at 7:30 pm. woo.

wtf. my mom is like "I find it disrespectful that brent doesn't like me. and I don't like you trash talking about me all the time to him. Oh, you only do it sometimes? are you getting literal on me? does brent like me? how do you know I don't like him? I do."

stfu. why does she care what I talk about with my friends/boyfriend.

This is why I need therapy O_o

and omg. seem invited me to see a performance of chicago at the ordway. next sunday. with a bunch of other hip cats. Squeee!!!

shitty+depressed+happy=current mood
I'm a paradox :P

[.::Rest In Pieces::.]
(Saliva)
Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did
It has not healed with time
It just shot down my spine
You look so beautiful tonight
Remind me how you laid us down
And gently smiled before you destroyed my life
Would you find it in your heart
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
Would you find it in your heart?
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
Would you find it in your heart?
To make it go away
And let me rest in pieces
Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
You got much closer than I thought you did
I'm in your reach
You held me in your hands
But could you find it in your heart?
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
Would you find it in your heart?
To make it go away
And let me rest in pieces

I feel crappy. worthless. ugly. depressed. sad. uncomfortable. that is all.

[.::Mother::.]
(Kelsey)
She lies down in her bed
With troubled thoughts stirring in her head
Knowing she won't sleep
Because all she can do is weep
How can this be?
Why didn't she see?
Her baby is dead
So many words were left unsaid
She never had a clue
Of all her daughter went through
The heartache and pain
Her soul worn down and slain
The cuts and the scars
Her daughter was as distant as the stars
She never thought a thing was wrong
But knew it in her heart all along
She never looked past the shell
Now her daughter will burn in hell
For she took her own life
After many battles with the knife
The pain eventually won the war
As it had done many times before
Now her mother will cry with her heart tore
Because her baby isn't coming back no more


my head hurts so much. it feels like only about half the oxygen is getting to my brain. I keep having to swallow, I feel like I have to throw up, I feel like...just...ugh.

Gonna go roller skating today w/ Brent, then to see Fetus Farm.

I'm so depressed. and sad. I feel like a worthless pile of poo.
v_v

[.::Emotionless::.]
(Good Charlotte)
Hey Dad I'm writing to you
Not to tell you, that I still hate you
Just to ask you how you feel
And how we fell apart how this fell apart

Are you happy out there in this great wide world?
Do you think about your sons?
Do you miss your little girl?
When you lay your head down how do you sleep at night?
Do you even wonder if we're all right?

We're alright
We're alright

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried?
You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life
It's not OK but we're alright
I will remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those were just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years learning how to survive
Now I'm writing just to let you know that I'm still alive

The days I spent so cold, so hungry, were full of hate
I was so angry, the scars run deep inside this tattooed body
There's things I'll take to my grave, but I'm OK, I'm OK

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried?
You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life
It's not OK but we're alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those were just a long lost memory of mine
Now I'm writing just to let you know that I'm still alive
I'm still alive
Sometimes I forgive, yeah and this time I'll admit
That I miss you, said I miss you

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried?
You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life
It's not OK but we're alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those were just a long lost memory of mine
Now I'm writing just to let you know that I'm still alive

And sometimes I forgive, yeah and this time I'll admit
That I miss you, I miss you...hey Dad

[.::Still Frame::.]
(Trapt)
Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down,
this picture's frozen and I can't get out (of here)
Believe me, I'm just as lost as you
And every time I think I've finally made it
I learn I'm farther away than I've ever been before
I see the clock and it's ticking away, and the hourglass empty
What the fuck do I have to say
Keep it inside the image portrayed
As if I couldn't stand losing as if I couldn't be saved, no way
A small confession I think I'm starting to lose it
I think I'm drifting away from the people I really need
A small reflection on when we were younger
We had it all figured 'cause we had everything covered
Now we're older it's getting harder to see
What this future will hold for us, what the fuck are we going to be?
I'm afraid I'm falling farther away (from where I want to be)


[.::Poem::.]
(found under some bleachers durring a Music Man rehearsal, written by a high schooler)
The heat burning my face
The walls are caving in
I scream and scream and scream
but you're just as trapped
as I am.

Choking on the fumes
I break through the haze
running for freedom
the fresh air stabbing me

I turn back a moment
you're still in the enferno
you're helpless, hopeless
I'm wasted

I'm running back for you
driving into the fire
Let me get you
I need to get you
Let me get you
I need to get you

K. I haven't updated in awhile. too much to write.

July 3rd- Annis's party. Very fun. Watched Labyrinth. Scared Naseem. Made friends with the cat. Got 5.5 hours of sleep. nothing much more...

July 4th- Family Picnic. Then off to Brent's house for birthday happiness and all that jazz. Got him: balls, soad poster. Watched fireworks in park. tres romantic.

July 5th- Valley Fair!!!!! Went with Brent and his family. Had the best time. Went on power tower and wild thing 2wice. Must go again sometime.

and well ya. that was basiclly my July 4th weekend. Very, very fun.

Off to never never land...

Bwuhahaha. Found the cutest kitty quiz.


I am a giant mutant kitten. Not strange at all.


Which cute or possibly strange kitten are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


I am a drunken bum.


Which cat that thinks it's human are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla


bondage


What's YOUR sexual fetish?
brought to you by Quizilla


What rating is your journal?
brought to you by Quizilla


domination, baby...bust out the whips n chains,
lower the torture devices, they've been a very
bad boy! hey, someone's got to keep them in
line, and you're just the person for the
job...they'll never forget who's in charge here
when you're done with them.


What's the freakiest sex fettish in which you will participate?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are Batz Maru! Never in a good mood, but you
have your posse and bike, so who cares?


What Hello Kitty Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


I am Neko


Which animated kitty are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Im NOT fat Im just FLUFFY!!!!!!!!!! **shakes head
in denial**


Which chubby little kitty are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


I am.... THE CAT SLASHER. (ooOoOoOh...creepy....)


Which killer kitty are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I found a really cool poem. May trigger sadness.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Death

the thought of seeing you again
is bringing me to tears
the vision of your lovely face
vanishes my fears
the jagged scratches on my arms
the tears of crimson fate
my death is coming slowly now
to be my lovely mate
if you'd only understood
i'd be alive today
but you didn't so i'm not
and it's to stay that way
so now i'm lying on the floor
blood trailing from my wrists
no one's there to find the blades
balled up in my fists
so cry a river of cold tears
this is the last of me
it is too bad that i couldn't
just have made you see

K. It's for sure. I'm going to Valley Fair with Brent Saturday. Woo.

+Anxoius
+Depressed
+Emo
+Helpless
+Hopeless
+Sad
+Selfconsious
+Unconfident
+Worried

^ My list of depressed feelings. And for extra lameness, in Alphabetical order. Woo.

o===ll>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <-------Look it's a sword. For cutting or stabbing. or chopping up squid.

I had a dream I was chopping up this big slimey block of squid. It looked like spam. It was late, like 1 in the morning or something. My mom walked in the kitchen and was all yelley and like "Get back into bed now!!1!!!1" and then I went back to my room, abandoning my wonderful chopped up block of squid. Then she was talking about how to punish me (for being up chopping squid so late) with my dad, who was in his couch bed in the living room, and I was trying to listen at the door of my room, but then I went back to bed.

And then I dreamed that I was reading this Wizarding Tabloid that did a story with rumors about Harry and Hermione, and then Harry and Cho. The page was split in half, H.G. on the left side and C.C. on the right. Then below big pics of them it had the rumors about both and their going out with H.P. I could read every word of the article, it was written in this fancy old fashioned handwriting, and this voice in my head read it aloud while I read it on paper. It's a damn shame I forgot what it said...

I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid of current relationships with friends and family, and how they will change in the future. Not just, years from now, but months from now. This is, what I have deduced to be, my Sadness. It's always there. When will it go away?

I wanna shrink.

Tut's all for now.

:D